


O.D

by anillegiblemess



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Humanstuck, M/M, Mentions of self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-29
Updated: 2013-04-29
Packaged: 2017-12-09 21:09:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/778012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anillegiblemess/pseuds/anillegiblemess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>grow up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	O.D

**Author's Note:**

> some pale humanstuck gamkat i wrote up i dont know
> 
> i dont even ship this what why did i write this
> 
> i dont know what im doing anymore
> 
> i would have spaced out the lines more so it doesnt look like shit but im lazy

It was just two pairs of feet shuffling down past the cots with curtains holding fugitives bed-ridden in pain and complaining about how the blankets were too warm or too cold. Then you’d hear about agonizing cries for water even though the nearest water fountain wasn’t working and all the waters in the vending machine in the waiting room were sold out.

 

“It took my money!” Karkat glared at the snack machine that stole him a dollar’s worth of a bag of air, or, sour cream and onion potato chips.

“You complain too much, brother.” The pair of feet broke apart and it was now Gamzee that was pulling his best friend and roommate along, who was jabbing his thumb into the coin return tab and it coming up with nothing, the green digital message of “enjoy” smiling up at Karkat and only making him angrier.

 

The awkward glances of sick and healthy family members pushed the both of them on, Karkat mumbling under his breath that he would blow all the fucking vending machines in the world up if they kept stealing his money and then Gamzee’s laughter howled through the halls of the hospital and they were both surprised they weren’t kicked out sooner than they had walked out the door.

 

In the neon red glow of the the sign spelling out the emergency entrance, you could spy scuffles of drunk teenagers smoking cigarettes and daring each other to prank the doctors inside the E.R, just so they could complain for drugs and get high off of the whole pharmacy department.

 

Other times it was just newspaper clippings that were left astray on the ground, telling of tomorrow’s weather in 2005 and half-finished sudoku puzzles. Sometimes you could find the remnants of an unhappy child who’s teddy bear was left face down on the paved sidewalk in a screaming fit of tears and snot bubbles. Karkat screwed up his face as he remembered how much he hated children and Gamzee leaned onto him again for support even if his legs moved perfectly fine on their own.

 

“Gamzee, you are fine and do not need my help, lay off.”

 

“Nah man, you’re like a pillow.” He snuggled closer, his long and bony nose caught in the cleft of Karkat’s neck and drinking in the scent of stale cologne and musk.

 

“Stop.” But Gamzee didn’t care and Karkat went no further, continuing to hoist his friend across the vacant parking lot and to the car and gently placing him in the passenger seat.

 

Karkat got in the driver’s seat, fumbling for his key pocket while Gamzee patted the power button for the radio on the dashboard.

 

“The car’s not even on, hold your fucking horses.” This made Gamzee punch his long and slender fingers even more into the button until it finally jammed and when the engine revved and the lights came on, no music played.

 

Karkat shouted, “Goddammit Gamzee! Now I have the fucking radio to fix on top of a whole lot of other shit for my car. The tires need to be changed, the oil needs to be changed, the right back light isn’t working, and now this! You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You really need a fucking driver’s license and your own goddamn car so I don’t have to lug you around like a child. I’m not your fucking mother or your maid.”

 

Gamzee laughed it off like nothing even happened. His smile was wide, showing all his crooked teeth yellowed from lack of hygiene. Karkat could only shake his head and stare at the bunched up straw wrappers and crumbs on the floorboard, wondering if Gamzee’s rancid breath would stink up his car that already smelled like day old cigarette smoke and shitty car fresheners.

 

Finally, he snapped out of it and began to drive down the road back to their apartment, until Gamzee sparked up a question.

 

“Hey, Karkat, can we go to McDonald’s or something, man I got the motherfucking munchies on.”

 

“I guess. I don’t know if I have any money, check my wallet, it should be in the glovebox.”

 

Gamzee opened up the glovebox, showing up an assortment of items that served no purpose being there, and caused clutter amongst a very small compartment made for nothing in particular.

 

Under a stack of soap opera magazines and cliché romance novels (Karkat blushed when Gamzee raised an eyebrow), there was the wallet and Gamzee quickly snatched it, opening it up rather abruptly making small and large coins bounce out and fall between the cracks of the seats. Karkat furrowed his brow but didn’t say anything.

 

“Aw man,” Gamzee groaned as he figured out his search for money was unsuccessful, “you only got a one.”

 

“That’s a ten, Gamzee, your thumb is covering the zero.”

 

“Oh.” He carefully pried his thumb away and smiled as he saw the zero, “Will this be enough?”

 

“Yeah, but only if you order a small meal. I’m not getting anything so I think we’re fine.”

 

Gamzee was content after that, smiling smugly as Karkat took a back road to get to the fast food restaurant, but spoke up yet again, asking another question.

 

“Karkat why ain’t you getting anything? Aren’t you hungry? We were at the hospital since five… I think.” He began to count on his fingers, adding up the hours until the current time, “That’s about… Eight hours!”

 

“It’s seven.”

 

“What, really?” Gamzee recounted on his fingers again, but took much longer this time, and then decided to give up as his fingers stopped moving. Either that, or he just forgot, because now his eyes were fixated on a speck of lint on his ripped up jeans, torn not by a designer but of sheer wear and tear.

 

“Anyway the only reason I’m not eating anything is because… Well it’s fucking McDonald’s, what else? I can’t stand that swill. It’s why America is so fat and lazy because all we do is fucking lay around and eat shitty burgers and fries and then all the students drop out of school and everybody’s poor and all the other countries hate us and want to wipe our fat asses off the face of this God forsaken planet.”

 

Gamzee snapped his head to look at Karkat just as a dribble of drool was peeking from the corner of his mouth, “But McDonald’s is the motherfucking best restaurant there ever was! Their food is fucking miraculous!”

 

“No, it’s a disgusting bile of processed carrion that causes explosive diarrhea and chronic vomiting.”

 

“You just got bad tastes.” Gamzee frowned, his pout exaggerating the downward fold of his lips.

 

“No, I’m just the only smart person in this country that’s left.”

 

There was silence as Gamzee lost interest in the conversation and stared out the window at the faint glow of their small town’s street lamps, lining up on the corner of crosswalks and making the view of stars difficult to see.

 

The run through the drive-thru was fast. No one else was being served and Gamzee ordered a small meal anyway.

 

“Man this milkshake is the motherfucking bitch tits!” As they exited the drive-thru, Gamzee immediately placed his mouth on the straw of his vanilla shake and sucked in a helping of the sweet dairy product, his cheeks sucked in and making his bony face look even more so.

 

“Don’t drink so fast, you’ll get a brain freeze.”

 

“Nah, man.” Gamzee refused as he swallowed down his drink, but even so, after a couple seconds he began to rub his forehead and scrunch up his nose in pain before placing his milkshake in the cupholder to save for later.

 

Gamzee stated he was saving the burger he had gotten for later, but still dug around inside the bag anyway, coming up empty handed and frowning.

 

“What?” Karkat queried, noticing his expression.

 

“My fries. I ain’t got no fries.”

 

“Well you didn’t ask for any.”

 

“But fries always came with the meal, right? Karkat can we go back and ask for some?”

 

Karkat let out an irritated huff, “No, Gamzee.”

 

Gamzee rested his head back against the headrest of his seat and began to sigh, drawing them out and repeating them, making Karkat fidget in his seat out of annoyance.

 

“Come on, Karbro please? I love the fries they serve, they are the best motherfucking part of the meal.”

 

“Look, I want to go home. It’s been a long day for me and I want to be in my bed right now asleep and comfortable and warm, which is ironic because I can’t even fucking sleep because of my insomnia to begin with.”

 

“But Kaaaarbrooooo…”

 

“No!”

 

The two had been arguing so much that they hadn’t noticed the stop light in front of them changed from green to red, and Karkat immediately slammed on his breaks to avoid a collision with the car in front of them.

 

Karkat sighed and gripped his steering wheel tighter, closing his eyes for a split second before opening them again, controlling his breathing and trying to contain the bursting amount of expletives threatening to spill from his mouth. Gamzee pulled the seat way back, slouched down, and eyed Karkat with a little bit of fright in his eyes.

 

Once the light turned green again, Karkat turned on his blinker and pulled over to the side of the road instead of going straight. He rested his elbows against the steering wheel, careful not to blow the horn on accident, and buried his head on his arms. He didn’t sigh, he didn’t groan, he didn’t say anything. Just silence, aside from the ticking sound of the blinker and the swish of the cars on the road that shook their tiny sedan.

 

Gamzee was about to reach a tentative hand to pat Karkat’s shoulder, but his voice stopped him.

 

“You know why you live with me, Gamzee?”

 

He looked down at his hands, “Karkat, I’m sorry, I should just be thankful for what I got I mean maybe I can try and find a job and get a driver’s license-” He was interrupted.

 

“Maybe you’ll get a driver’s license, maybe you’ll get a car of your own, maybe you’ll get a job, maybe you’ll earn money, maybe you’ll move out, maybe you’ll have a wife and a family and your life will be fucking perfect and I won’t have to worry about you anymore because you finally got your shit straight!” His voice rose with every word, arms no longer resting on the steering wheel but gripping tightly at the fabric on his car seats.

 

Gamzee twiddled his thumbs, looking anywhere but at Karkat and refusing to answer anything. He knew where this was going.

 

“Gamzee, you have been to the hospital five times this month. That’s more than last month and the month before that. You are fucking yourself up with your drugs and shit and I’m worrying so much about you that it’s stressing me out and basically you’re all that I can think about! My insomnia started because of you. My boss isn’t happy with me because I have to take days off from work sometimes to care for you, sometimes it’s because you’re sick, but sometimes it’s because you’re too stoned to even know what the fuck you are doing.

 

“And now I repeat my first question. Why do you live with me?”

 

Gamzee finally spoke up, his voice sounding more hoarse than it already was, “Because of you.”

 

“Because of me, yes, but also no. No because it was you on the streets without a home or food in your stomach. It was you who dropped out of high school. It is your fault it got you to where you were. I saved you because I thought I could fix that. I thought I could change you and make you understand you have to work hard to at least gain something in life. Yes, you are very grateful for what I have given you, you tell me everyday. You give me compliments and push me through the day and help me out, but when are you going to help yourself? When are you going to stand on your own two feet and stop letting me baby you? I’m not going to be around forever. Hell, I may die tomorrow because of some freak accident. You just… You need to grow up.”

 

Gamzee had long since stopped playing with his thumbs and was now curled up on himself, looking guilty, “Karkat, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m a burden to you… Man, I just… When I see you all sad and stuff and lonely looking, I get sad. You bring life to me, you know. Even though you insult me and say all these nasty things, you’re a really good guy and I like you. You’re my best friend in the whole motherfucking world because you care. But I… About me, I don’t know. I do drugs so I won’t get angry. When I’m sober I get angry and I feel bad and I don’t like it. I take it so I don’t feel pain, and I can’t quit. I want to, but I can’t.”

 

He was slowly unraveling himself now, glancing at Karkat and waiting for a reaction, but Karkat was silent as if he was processing the information he was just told.

 

“If you want to kick me out, you can.” It was sudden and odd the way Gamzee said it, looking out the window and trying to hide his tears, “I mean I didn’t really mind living as a vagabond for a while. You meet interesting people and see interesting things.”

 

“Gamzee, I’m not kicking you out. You know I would never do that.”  
He shrugged, “Doesn’t matter. You don’t need me in your life, I cause too much trouble. Just say the words and I’ll be on my way. No fights or nothing.”

 

“Gamzee, look at me.” Karkat placed a hand on Gamzee’s shoulder and he slowly turned around, quickly wiping his tears away.

 

“I know it’s going to be hard, getting over your drug problem. I know that you enjoy them and that they shield the pain. But, addiction is a deadly thing. I know the consequences, because I’ve been through them. I know the pain of giving them up, because I’ve been through that too,” Karkat glanced at his wrists somberly before continuing, “but… It’s worth it. In the end, it’s worth it. I swear it is. Life is a piece of shit and you go through shit but it leads you somewhere at least. Drugs are dangerous and they can kill you, they nearly have countless times before. And you say you’re careful, but is it really worth the risk? I want you to be happy. I want you to be somewhere being someone and doing something great. I want you to be the person of your dreams.”

 

Gamzee reached over to wipe away the tears that were spilling down Karkat’s cheek, but his palm pushed his hand away and he finished.

 

“Besides… I don’t want to lose my best friend.”

 

At those words, Gamzee’s eyes widened and he reached forward to catch his friend in an awkward embrace over the gear shift. Karkat sobbed quietly in his shoulder, holding him tight. It took a lot of effort for Gamzee to not start crying along with him.

 

Karkat’s sobs finally died down, and the silence passed between them, placing a blanket of peace over the both of them, and they grew sleepy in the heat of their bodies held close together. Once they finally broke away, they were both smiling and wiping the last of their tears away on their sleeves. Karkat sat forward again in the driver’s seat, but before they could continue on their way home, he looked at Gamzee who was now staring intently at his blue hospital bracelets that jangled on his skinny wrist, giving a memory to Karkat who knew the reason behind each one.

 

“Why do you keep those bracelets, Gamzee?”

 

He looked back at him, smiling that same, smug grin, “Oh, they’re like battle wounds! They make me look more cool and refined like I’ve been through a lot.”

 

Karkat sighed and shook his head, but not out of irritation, this time it was playfulness. He reached forward and grabbed his friend’s arm, peeling off each and every one of his bracelets, and when Gamzee asked why, he chuckled, and said, “Every battle wound heals eventually.”

**Author's Note:**

> well that was stupid


End file.
